Monday, November 24, 2008


I decided to start posting about this horrible divorce, its not even that the divorce is so horrible, I'm over that, it's the judges, the sheriffs and the lawyers.
Why am I posting about this. Well, someday, if it is God's will, I would like to be able to support other women that find themselves in this situation and help them to realize that they are not the crzy ones, THAT IT IS THE SYSTEM.
I love our country. I love what it stands for, I love the principles its based on.
With that said, our court systems are a joke I can't begin to tell you. They protect the guilty. I know that most of the women I connect with here in cyberspace are happily married. Maybe because they don't live in NY. I don't know but I haave been trying to get a divorce for 3 years. I had to sit in the court room 30 times in the last three years, 6 different times, knowing my husband wouldn't show up before they would issue a contempt of court warrent. Yeah, I think were getting somewhere. I spend the last 2 years talking to half the sheriffs in Westchester county. You see, noone wants to arrest him, so what if he doesn't pay child support, so what if he blew off court at least 6 times. So what if he's a violent deadbeat dad, SO WHAT Two weeks ago, the last officer I spoke to in yet another town and I quote "Why did you put my name on the fax, now I'm responsible for this"
Noone will arrest him, an order of contempt means nothing. The judge told me, if I was in an abusive relationship, why didn't I get help. "We have places to take care of that" BS I went to the police 5 years ago, did he hit you, no, he just kicked in the front door, do you have proof he destroyed everything you own, sorry we can't help you. And on and on the story goes. I don't want to be a victim here but I feel so powerless, the judges are so nasty and the police are useless. And even if he was arrested, I would have to prove he's lying and prove he owns buildings and has money.
And my lawyer, he has lyed and lyed to me. Again because I let him because I don't trust myself. Finally tonight, I fired him. We are suppose to go to court tomorrow and he said his back was out and he couldn't fill out the papers, again. Oh, but he did speak to my estranged and they made a date to meet 3 weeks from now in court, sure. Lovely.
I find it really hard to stand up for myself, I believed this lawyer just like I believed my husband.
I am so angry tonight. I have to go to court tomorrow and stand in front of that judge and have a voice and feel powerful. This has to be happening for a reason.
I guess I'm this angry because I'm scared. I trusted this lawyer and he screwed me. Just like R did. I've made amends for my part in the relationship and I know I should be praying for my lawyer tonighht not venting about him...


Momtosweeties said...

I wish I was there to give you a hug!
I am not in the US, and I am not divorced but, I have had to deal with the sytem regarding a violent relative. I got as far as you have! He threatened to kill my new born daughter, we came to court and he arrived drunk and threatened to take one of the baliffs guns. He was taken down by 17 baliffs. That was how many it took to restrain him. I am still dealing with this person because. The judge said he had to do all these "things". Meet with a probation officer weekly, go for a forensic evaluation etc etc. He did none of it and when we questioned that we were told it couldn't be enforced. What a joke! Why did we bother with any of it then!?
I feel your frustration! I will be thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. Take good care of yourself.

ShabbyInTheCity said...

Everyone you are dealing with sounds crooked! I'm so sorry for you!
I you have supportive parents? I think I remember that you do. you have to remain in NYC? The cost of living somewhere else might help you out.
Hugs! And prayers for you!

Mary Isabella and Kiley too! said...

My sweet friend my heart is breaking for you!!! I know how it feels to be treated so unfairly and it hurts. I have the sweetest husband ever but his mother was horrible to me and wanted me to just go away so she culd continue to run my husbands life. I prayed and prayed and for 28 years it contined until she went home to the Lord. Now it is so wonderful to have peace. You are such a sweet spirit and it pains me that you are being treated in this manner. I will pray for you and you can e-mail me any time and we can pray together. Blessings to you and your sweet child...m

On a lighter note I hope you get your moey order I mailed it last Thursday...m..

becca said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I've been divorced twice but were simple divorces where we agreed on everything. Wish I was there to lend you a shoulder to cry on. HUGS!

My Three Girls (The A girls) said...

So sorry, My sister is in Family Lawyer and handles mostly divorces right now. So is unsure why anyone gets married anymore, she sees it all.

From my counseling background....most abusive personalities also have a quality about them that makes them alluring they can make people think they are all good, then there the other side f them that just the abused person gets to see. They are often people of power because they need "Power"

Good luck

Hill upon Hill said...

Yes, I think it a good thing to 'vent'. That anger is so horrible, it eats at you-that some people are so unreliable, partic. when it is important!! So disappointing when the authorities that are meant to help don't.

Keep up your lovely weekly traditions with your daughter, enjoy your friends and pray for the peace that passes all understanding.

Anonymous said...

As I am going through the divorce thing myself, I can completely understand.

Wow, I thought waiting a year was bad.

I have been posting here and there about mine. I think it helps and heck it's cheaper than therapy.

I am truly blessed with a great attorney, hope you find someone more trustworthy.

Hang in there!

rousabout studio said...

You need a hit man!! You poor poor thing.. In Australia I have never heard of that sort of carry on. I guess that why you guys need oprah, dr phil and jerry springer.. The system has you stuck in a corner.. kick your way out!! find a nice female lawyer.. or perhaps denny crane..
Good luck and dont let it ruin your festive season.