Sunday, January 10, 2010
Instead of getting better, its getting worse. Today was the worse so far. Going home without my father there is torture. The whole house is him, everywhere I look. Now I know what home is where the heart is means. He was home to me. I can barely function. Life was hard enough before this, everything is falling apart. we're about to lose our apartment, then what. All alone and no place to turn. I can't believe hes gone, dissapeared. Sitting where he use to sit last night, just gone. Church and the cemetary today, more torture. I know I'm being selfish and I would like to be able to mourn with them but I stayed in the car. I cant go there. I don't even think I can go home anymore. I have to stay in the city and pretend.