Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dear Diary.....A Testimony

So,I have to remember I want this to be a testimony. A testimony of how God changed and transformed my life. Last year at this time I was lucky to get a sale, I have had over 100 sales since Friday. 3 weeks ago, I couldn't get out of bed, now after seeing the right doctor I am up and functioning at full steam. It's good to know I'm not lazy, there was a problem. My world was so dark, all I could do was stick a tiny little fingertip out of this big dark circle to ask for help. But that was enough. In, through that pinhole, the light came. And help came. What a huge difference in the way I feel. Creativity is bursting out of me!

And, I got something today. Just because I am seeking God, doesn't mean my life is going to be all pearly white. It means, if I am seeking God and wanting to be a better person then I have to act like a better person. I know that sounds simple but I didn't get it until today. I thought if I could get this faith thing right then my life would be smooth and easy.

But the truth is for me to seek and find God, I have to be a bigger and better person.

Even with that knowledge, I was tested and I failed. The person that gives me the hardest time in this life started again. What did I do, well I shot back a nasty email.. He is wrong (and he is :)) so don't I have to tell him that don't I have to fix this. I want to scream when I think about what he is getting away with and he thinks he is in the right. Ahhhh

How do I behave like the big, good, shiny lit up person I want to be when I want to strike out and get even and control a situation because I'm afraid. HOW DO YOU DO THE RIGHT THING? WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING? Well I think I will sleep on that. I have figured out how to get out of my head. I focus on my heart and fill it with love. I am asking God tonight to fill me with love and light and healing and show me the way. And please bring some light to me, my daughter and her father.


Get Real Girl said...

Thank you for sharing this testimony. I am so happy that you are getting so many sales. I better get my order in before you quit taking them. YIKES! I have been telling all of my friends about this wonderful boutique.

I am working on a little healing right now, too. God is so good and He is the only one that truly matters. I will keep you in my prayers. If only life would be perfect after we found our way, but it never will be until we are standing before God in heaven.

Have a wonderful day!

Callanit said...

Without knowing the situation between you, but going just on a few scraps of information I have gathered, I would say this:

It might help if you remember that you can never control any other person's behaviour; you can only control your own. You cannot force another person to see or understand something he doesn't want to see, but you can harm and exhaust yourself trying.

Also, it might help to remember that, in responding to his cruelty, you are prolonging and participating the same dynamic. Every time he provokes a response from you, he has "won" - he has got what he wanted, which is to have you back in there with him, reacting to his provocation, and knowing that he can still manipulate you. He may well believe he is right - there are lots of sincere yet horrible people - but that is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself (and your daughter).

Please forgive me for "preaching" without knowing the situation.

And, as a PS, - a writer I find helpful to read is C S Lewis; not only Narnia (though the joy never ends) but also "Mere Christianity" & the like. For me, he is the most persuasive of Christian apologists, and I feel very soothed whenever I read him.

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

Congratulations on your sales! I will say a quick prayer of thanks for you. I can see a difference in your posts. I'm so glad you feel better.

Theresa said...

Yayyyy for your business!! I keep you in my prayers daily, you are a wonderful person and God has big plans for you.
Hope you are loving the books. I started the forgiveness one myself and found myself broken in the first chapter.
Tristian will be reading it next. Listen to the music while you work, it really does make a difference.

Robynn's Ravings said...

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited for your business! God IS good and many are praying for you. You deserve to be on magazine covers. I know I've told you that but only because it's true. I'll get to say "I knew her when!" I wish I was rich! I'd buy everything you make just to put it away for future grandkids.

What a wonderful testimony. You are on the right path. But sure as shootin', the second we say we're going to do a thing right (I said it myself two weeks ago and you wouldn't beLIEVE the challenges that hit me...wait...yes you would!) we're smacked with a 2x4. Just pick up, dust off, clean up any messes, apologize where it really is yours and sometimes where it's not, and keep moving. You are an inspiration.

jen christians said...

Oh, I am so glad that you are seeking God! He is GOOD, we know that full well. I am sorry for the troubles you are facing, and I will keep you in my prayers.

Chris said...

Thank you Laura for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. You are such a strong person and I know you will shine through your adversities.


Christie Archer