Monday, June 15, 2009

Faith Lost

I always considered myself a very spiritual person. I always had faith and was always able to pull myself up off the ground when things got bad but somehow that has dissapeared. My faith is gone.
There are 2 things I can point my finger to that made this happen, one my friend Larry died of a heroin overdose--he was big into 12 step programs and seemed to be really trying, he had over a year clean. I saw him in the morning and that night he was gone. The next thing, I was reading on someones etsy shop. Her brother and his friend were hit by a roadside bomb in Iraq, the girl said Thank you Jesus thankyou everyone for all the prayers, my brother survived. But what about the friend, he died so did one live because people prayed harder. I don't get it anymore. I don't get the grace thing how can one person have God's Grace and not another it doesn't make sense. What good is praying if both parents were praying for their sons and one lived and one died what good is the prayer.
I hate being far away from God, my faith is what kept me goingall these years now I feel so alone and abandoned and hopeless.

7 comments:

Hill upon Hill said...

Perhaps anger within the relationship with God rather than having nothing left? We are allowed to get angry.

I find when I can't work out what is going on in this world, that I need to know that something else is coming, planned for later-heaven.

Humans do have an element of free will and choose to do the wrong thing, that is the cause of suffering in the world. Yes God is in control and can change the path that things take, I do not have all the answers.....

In this world, there is pain. Do not be alone and carry your pain alone.

I need to know that there is hope and that there are people here on earth who have care and concern for others as a priority.

War is horrible. Things that harm our bodies are horrible.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

I guess, this world is temporary for me. This does not mean that I do not love my children, friends and family in a lesser way, the pain of their pain is still real.

I am sorry, I wish it all made sense for you and that you did not feel so alone and abandoned.

I hope you can see something beautiful today.

the monkey's mama said...

I've left your blog post up on my browser for some time now, hoping I would come up with sage advice.

After suffering through three miscarriages, I too, was nearly in the same boat as you. But i needed something to cling to and I clung to my Faith, knowing that God is a Purposeful God, who plans all things according to His wise purpose.

My friend once said, "If you are going to suffer, make sure you get something out of it." I saw the loss of my babies as a way to draw closer to God and I am so glad I did. My faith has been encouraged and strengthened because of what I went through.

May you find His peace when you seek Him first

bowsandmorebygracylu said...

Laura Im very sorry for what you are feeling right now. Satan uses situations to play mind games with us because thats all he can do. Once your saved he cant touch you but he can try to trip you up! I think thats what hes doing with you. God is a LOVING God. Tonight at church my pastor spoke on storms of life. they are real and we dont know when they are going to come but when they do come we have to cling to Jesus through them. That is what having faith is. I hope that you are reading scripture to saturate your mind with Him. I know that times it seems like praying doesnt do anything but it does. we may not see it today or in a month but it really does work. I have so many examples of times that i thought was a storm and then when He got me out i could see that he did answer my prayer and it was just according to His will. We all have appointments to die! But not everyone's is at the same time. The men in the war that you were talking about, i dont think that it was because they "prayed" more for him but it was just his time and thats hard to understand.

im praying for you!!!

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

I struggle often as we lost our baby girl 5 years ago. It seems impossible to understand sometimes and I feel distant too. My mantra, the thing I remember most is that God doesn't mind if you are angry with him, if you are far from him, if you do not feel his presence. It doesn't matter because he loves you anyway and since we are his children and he is God afterall, he can take it. His reasons are far beyond my comprehension and with time I have been able to see what they MAY be. I do not consider myself very spiritual most of the time so this is quite unusual, but your post has struck a chord with me. I hope you are feeling better and know that the hopelessness will subside and you will be fine in time. We are always fine in time. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It is good to know I'm not the only one who goes through this too.

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

Oh, and very importantly, you will be one of my favorite etsy shops. I love the little dresses and my daughter would look fabulous in them too.

cherise said...

Hello....I was reading through the Friday thing and went further into your blog (I don't know how to blog so I'm always fascinated with those that do)And I noticed where you said that you're faith was gone. Is that a true statement or are you just in a bad place right now? I think once people have experienced the awesomeness of God they can never really lose their faith...but I DO believe that all of us at one time or another feel "abandoned" by God when in truth, if we would really examine the recent events of our lives, find that we are the ones that have stepped out from under the shadow of His wings. In the Psalms David has the ultimate blessing of being king but is constantly "crying out to the Lord"...satan is always on his heels but when his enemies are chasing him he runs and hides in the shadow of the Almighty's wings. I have been where you are now (both spiritually and financially...my husband got laid off in January and hasn't found a new job yet) and I've taken my cues from David..."what time I am afraid I will run to you, hide in the shadow of your wings, cry a lot and then give it all up to you". I don't think you've lost your faith...I think you need to come off the front lines of the battle and let your heavenly father hide you from the evil one. It's there that you will find rest and peace, you will find the answers that you seek, and you will emerge refreshed. You've heard the saying "sometimes bad things happen to good people"? Nothing happens without God's knowledge. The Bible tells us that every man has a certain number of days and the soldier incident could be as simple as that. And sometimes, the witness is in how we face death not how we live. My mind goes to a Godly woman I knew most of my life that recently passed away due to a long and hard battle with brain cancer. The witness she left on this earth in the process of her death was far greater than than even the devoted life she had lived previously. Bottom line in this long rant is...don't let the circumstances of someone else's life dictate the circumstances of yours. Death is a fact of life and not everyone gets to be old, or chooses to give their life to Christ in order to guarantee their eternity. And...sometimes we all get to the place where we can't pray so ask others to pray for you until you get back. This is what you do: Go to your Father, tell Him how upset you are, ask Him WHY and tell Him you're stinking mad....cry out to Him, rant and rave, and then ask Him to let you hide for awhile...it is His greatest joy and He'll be glad to open His wings and hide you away from the world for awhile. Refresh yourself my sister and when we meet someday, I can't wait to hear your story.

PamperingBeki said...

I like the lines of another Steven Curtis Chapman song - God is God, and I am not. I can only see a PART of the picture He's painting. God is God, and I am man. So I'll never understand it all, because only God is God.

The times we least understand what's happening are the times we must rely on faith the most! Faith that He is in control. He knows what He's doing. Even though it makes absolutely no sense to our human minds.